Dogs on the Runway

“1 adult and 3 children?” the ticket agent asked Noe as we checked in for our flight out of Goroka last Monday.

“Yes. …. Wait, no! 2 adults and 2 children! That’s my wife there with them!”

Of course there are often some definite compliments attached to such a misunderstanding, haha.

After we checked in for the flight, we left the airport and drove down the street to the grocery store which has a little cafe inside, and enjoyed cappuccinos with the friend/fellow missionary who was our driver for the morning. (Yes, cappuccinos while waiting for a flight in PNG! Right?!)

We returned to the airport at boarding time, but the plane had not arrived yet. Well, the plane arrived nearly an hour later, so we finally boarded and settled in for the flight. The plane taxied to the end of the runway and prepared for takeoff.

We began the race down the runway, but then suddenly the pilot hit the brakes and we quickly slowed to a stop! As we sat there giving each other confused looks, the plane turned around right there on the runway, taxied back to the end of the runway, and then turned around once more and waited to be cleared again for takeoff. 

At this point the pilot spoke up, telling us the reason for the sudden stop was that a dog had run out onto the runway! (This was after hearing other passengers muttering rumors such as “there was another plane” or “there was a man”… uh-HUH…) Next thing we knew, we were in the air, on our way to our bush orientation. Eventful start!

I’m a bit apprehensive about flying. As I was recently telling another missionary lady, I’d still choose flying over a slippery mountain road. But the Lord and I continually have intense conversations when I’m sitting in a winged tin can thousands of feet up in the air. 

So this runway incident, while slightly humorous (*quickly stopping a plane that is thundering down a runway at full speed probably veers into the “dangerous” category*), served to be another picture to me of His hand of provision and guidance of my life, and even of my every step. For indeed, what could stop a fully charged plane from getting down that runway? A little dog? 

Yes, something that small. He can use any big or small thing to guide our feet on that straight, even path that He urges us to trust Him to provide in Proverbs.

I remember when I had first learned of New Tribes Mission, 11 years ago. A group of us students asked the missionary many questions that afternoon, including the question of “How can I know if God wants me to do this or that? (since there are so many good things I could do with this life to bring Him glory)” The missionary essentially encouraged us to ‘get on board the train’ of what we believe He is leading us to, and just GO! Why? Because He is FULLY able to stop us in our tracks at any point along the way. He can (and does) guide us fully, as we are fully willing to let Him.

It is for this reason that dogs on the runway do not shatter my faith. Dogs on the runway do not cause me to think “Oh no! Such-and-such has happened, so now what is to be done?” Even the apostle Paul experienced ‘dogs on the runway’, such as his desire to go and preach in Macedonia, but the Spirit would not allow him to go. He was not perplexed by this. Rather, he recognized that the Lord simply would have a different plan and/or a different timeline for him and his ministry.

This missionary lifestyle, with very obvious ‘dogs on the runway’, has quickly strengthened my faith in His leading. I don’t know which direction this ‘plane’ is heading, but I feel confident that He will lead and guide it absolutely perfectly! I feel so privileged to have the opportunity to be a part of this lifestyle and this amazing work, if nothing other than the opportunity to grow in my understanding of how He leads and guides His children so specifically and so lovingly.

After all, His greatest desire for me, and for you, is not that we serve and ‘do’, but that we become conformed to the image of Christ. (And as we become more and more like Him, then and only then can we serve and ‘do’ with the right motivation. Amen?) Let’s encourage one another to get to know Him and understand His heart. Then we can serve Him together out of our undying love for Him.

My First Cessna

On Monday, I will fly in a teeny tiny plane for the first time. (With my family) 

I've anticipated this moment for about 10 years! One morning, when Noe and I were dating, he picked me up from my apartment in Cannon Beach and we drove down to Nehalem Bay State Park for a few hours. At one point we found ourselves at the little airstrip, and a small Cessna was parked there. 

I already anticipated career mission work, so as I looked at this plane, I felt like I was getting a tiny glimpse into my future. "One day," I said to Noe, "I will probably fly in one of these tiny ( death traps* )!"

10 years have passed, and now here I am, about to step into a Cessna! I praise The Lord for His faithfulness in guiding me (with my family!) here to this place in life, to this place in His purpose, and to this geographical place. 

I also praise Him for the folks at Prestige Brands who have 'provided' me with Dramamine to help me enjoy my flight. Ha...ha...

*death traps is a modification from the original statement. "Planes" was likely the original word.

Tunnel Vision

It is easy for me to develop tunnel vision. So dreadfully easy.

If I suddenly recognize a need (or let's face it, sometimes it's actually a want), there are times when all my mind can think about is that one perfect solution that I've so brilliantly figured out.

If I just had this, then...

If things were this way, then...

I startled myself with this reality 2 weeks ago, when I found myself injured and in need of something I did not have. (In this case I needed crutches, which was in fact a wise solution.) But as the hours and days throbbed by with no crutches, I was struck by how so much of my contentment was threatened by not having that one thing that I was sure would make all the difference.

The contentment was not taken from me, but it was threatened. For indeed, no one can rob us of that which Christ provides- we can simply choose not to experience it. My friend Jessie shared this quote some months ago which illustrates this quite well: 

"When I don't fight the battle against grumpiness well enough to win, I let the Enemy wear my face."

Not choosing to abide in Christ in my 'moments' means I'm choosing not to experience the contentment and joy He so fully and freely offers to me. And that leaves me standing on my own two feet, somehow believing that I have what it takes to 'get through this' on my own.

And I have to wonder what I am looking toward to make me whole. Is that earthly crutch for which I was so desperate going to satisfy me through and through?

'Modeling' the crutches on our x-ray
adventure at the haus sik last week.
(And a subtle "Old Navy" ad...)

 I'll tell you today that it's NOT!! It's rainy today, and after coming home from our morning class, I followed my girls into the house. Even though I was very careful since I knew they had just mopped the floor for me (since they thought it a fun idea to go "swimming" on the basketball court), one of my crutches finally hit an invisible slippery spot and my bad foot "helped" me catch myself (ouch)
. Hey, recovery is supposed to be painful anyway... Haha! 

Crutches are great!!! But crutches do not heal my foot. Crutches help me stand, but they do not teach me how to stand on my own. I must always widen my perspective, looking upward from the fading gifts of this world, to the unfading, faithful promises of Christ!

As we are searching for what church planting work The Lord would have us be a part of, one of the 'crutches' that I must learn to hold loosely is Bible translation. The Lord put it on my heart about 15 years ago to be a part of Bible translation. (!) But here's the thing- who am I.......who am I to determine just what exactly He had in mind when He gave me that desire?! 

I think we do this a lot as believers. "God told me this, therefore (this is what it should look like)." Then we can become so shocked and disappointed when things don't play out as we had so wisely mapped out. 

Perhaps He gave me the desire to be involved in Bible translation not because I would personally do it (although I would love to!), but because He wanted me to understand deeply the preciousness of His Word. Why do I limit the options for how HE will bring about HIS plans and HIS Church? He gave me gifts and desires. Sometimes we hear "He wants to use your gifts." Well frankly, He wants to use YOU. (Don't you suppose I laugh that He gave me the gift of music, particularly piano? Imagine...if I had said "well, I know there are so many unreached language groups in the world today. But He wants to use my gifts. So I cannot go into tribal church planting." Guess what? He also gave me the 'gift' of arachnophobia! Don't you see? Depending on my willingness to follow and be used of Him, I can essentially 'manipulate' whatever gifts or desires I have. And I can make them all sound spiritual and legitimate when necessary.) Desires of my heart? Ha! "The heart is deceitful above all things..."

But His heart? Trustworthy, pure, faithful, loving, and clear in His desire and plan for the world.

Ok Lord...this desire was Yours to begin with. As was the plan. Widen my perspective from the fading gifts of this world, to the unfading, faithful promises of Christ!

When Life Gives you Tang...

Alright, did anyone else have a flashback to children's Sunday school just now? I remember sitting in my little chair waiting for my little Dixie cup of orange Tang and a short stack of Ritz crackers. :)

Childhood aside, I have no palate for Tang anymore. I'm not a person to spend my energy trying to avoid all artificial sweeteners, but I simply don't care for Tang.

But sometimes things come up in my life that perhaps I don't prefer. Or that I was not expecting. Or maybe things that offer the promise of sweetness but only leave me disappointed or nauseated later. 

I feel like I should be used to this by now. So I have to laugh when I catch myself thinking that something will go according to our plans, or hopes! Ha!

Well to be fair, there are times when things do turn out as we imagined. The "trick" lies in our expectations. Are we able to roll with ever-changing circumstances? Or are we still stuck in the infantile way of screaming and thrashing about when the waves come?

When "life" gives me unexpected Tang (preferably orange), what is my response? Am I 'man enough' to drink it? Do I trust that The Lord has my well-being in mind? Or do I believe that when MY plans change that HE has left me? 

What is more, I believe that even if I must drink some Tang (preferably not pineapple), that He would have me refresh the whole of my being with water. The pure water of the Word. And this is a water source that is always available to me. It never runs dry. It always fulfills. It never disappoints. It fully quenches. And it delights my soul.

Recently we have been given some Tang.  Elements of our transition to life overseas that we're unexpected. Happenings back home that have an unpleasant taste. Decisions about our immediate future that have been challenging to swallow. 

But even with times of heartache, we are finding water! We are finding that The Lord is faithful - He is ever present, ever leading and guiding, and never far off.

I feel like this lifestyle offers us ample opportunities to taste Tang (mango?), and ample opportunities to find Him faithful!

Because The Lord is at my right hand, I will not be shaken! 

A day in the life of...

As requested! Now that we've been here long enough to start establishing some 'routine' (she says loosely), I will attempt to paint a picture for you of what my/our daily life is like here.

Before dawn, the birds begin waking up the world. Luckily for us, we are used to it by now and don't hear them until a reasonable hour. :)

Noe often is out the door at dawn to exercise with one or two other guys. I wake up around this time most mornings to do laundry. I like to do it first thing, before the sun comes up and melts away my brain cells. :) the washer is under the house, so I get my own workout going back and forth to put the clothes to wash, then to hang them up on the line to dry. Some mornings it's a guessing game with the weather...to hang them under the house or out in the sun. ...I have no idea who is forecasting the weather for PNG (outsourced maybe? Haha), but don't believe any weather channel reports. Not a chance of accuracy! The ONLY way to know what's coming is to observe the sky itself.

By the time I have the laundry in the wash, the girls are usually awake . So I work on breakfast. As Murphy's Law dictates, breakfast is usually ready at the same time the clothes washer finishes. So I get the girls and Noe eating (and Noe and I have our "we're getting old" minute each morning as we chug our various pills) and I go out to hang the clothes up. (If I wait, the sun comes up hot and then it's a more unpleasant task. You can tell I'm passionate about this huh?)

After breakfast is cleaned up, it is 'school time'. Some mornings Noe and I have a class or module here on the center. That involves a laptop, a notebook, a nice cup of coffee, and a good play at the playground for the  girls. On the mornings when we don't have a class, I either homeschool the girls or we go out into a village as a family to learn language and culture. Some of our village visits are purposeful language learning opportunities . Other visits are more cultural experience/relationship-building times.

During homeschool mornings, I often study Tok Pisin, or prepare a few pages of questions ("askims") for my next language learning session. Sometimes I distract the girls from their work by quizzing them on some Tok Pisin vocabulary. :)

Lunch is often leftovers from dinners past, or something simple like pb&j or tuna and crackers. The girls and I have 'rest time' after lunch is cleaned up. Often this involves sleep. Sometimes the girls will read or write some Maily emails. 

After rest time, on the days we didn't yet do homeschool, we get that started. Noe sometimes goes out into a village for more language study, and occasionally we go also. Two to three times a week I have a language helper come to the house for 1-1.5 hours. We have tea or coffee and some biscuits ( yes I mean crackers), and do some focused language learning. 

Out for a cultural experience with some friends!
(We made dinner together over the fire.
"Aste, mipela i kukim kaikai antap long paia.")

By mid-afternoon my laundry is usually dry, and sometimes getting crispy, so I bring that all in and put it away. Then dinner prep starts. We eat a little early here, mostly because it's nice to have the kitchen all cleaned up before it's dark outside. (And following rain, if I'm still in the kitchen when it's dark outside, hundreds of tiny "lang" (flies) start "pesting" me (no that's not a word...)- flying all over my kitchen, my clean dishes, dying all over my counters, and crawling around in my shirt.)

And maybe we eat dinner early also because we eat lunch early. And breakfast. Ripple effect?

Our dinner tonight. Found pepperoni
last week for about 75 cents!

Naya does her homework with daddy in the evening, and the girls shower and get ready for bed. Yes, they've showered ever since we lived in Oklahoma last year! And now they can almost shower completely without my help. Niiiice!

After a story from the greatest book ever, we tuck them in. Then there's a little energy left for filing language and culture data, writing a few emails, sneaking a cookie, and occasionally watching a movie or show together. 

There are other things that vary from day to day, such as our quiet time with The Lord. Some days that happens in the mornings, other days in the afternoon or evening. Some days we also have social engagements with folks on the center, and other days we spend a few hours going to town for groceries. 

Hopefully this helps you envision what life is like for us currently, at least a little bit. :)

Ask questions! What would you like to know about? It's fun to share about what life is like here. :)

They Bowed, Set Aside, and Gave

A couple nights ago as I was reading to the girls from the Bible before bed, I found myself becoming a little teary-eyed. This is what I was reading to them:

"The three men knelt before the little King. They took off their rich royal turbans and gleaming, golden crowns. They bowed their noble heads to the ground and gave Him their sparkling treasures." (From the 'Jesus Storybook Bible')

The wise men recognized that this baby, this young child, was the promised Rescuer- the Deliverer! Not of Roman oppression, but of all sin. Not only so, but they recognized Him as the King of heaven, the Son of God. 

They knew who Jesus was. And they understood the implications of His presence, His presence among them. His presence in their lives, and the work He would do.

And their response?

They bowed down before Him. 

They emptied themselves, loosed themselves of their royal "bling".

They considered everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of KNOWING Christ Jesus. 

And they gave Him ALL of their gifts. ALL of their treasures. They gave their all to Him- so that He might be glorified. And so that His work might be done!

This is what the passage does NOT say:

And they opened their gifts. The wise man with gold reached in and took out a small portion, saying "look, I'm still managing my assets and liabilities. But here's some of what I have, I hope it will help!"

The wise man with the frankincense reached in and pulled out a quart size ziploc with a 3oz travel bottle of frankincense and handed it proudly to Jesus, and closed up the big bottle so it wouldn't spoil.

And the wise man with the myrrh reached in and - "well we've done a lot of research on You, but just to make sure You are really who we believe You to be, here's my business card. If your life is in danger give me a call so we can make sure your affairs are in order. And here's a little sample sachet of my finest myrrh."

.........

Anyway, all "humor" aside, I was struck as I read the (real) passage, by how completely the wise men believed, trusted, bowed, emptied, and gave ALL to the King in their midst.

This really isn't about financial giving. This is about the giving of myself, and the willingness to let go of 'extra' or let go of 'status'. The giving of the talents and abilities He has given me. And yes, sometimes (often) the giving up of things. Sometimes that means using them specifically and purposefully. Other times that means exercising the freedom to set them aside for a time when I'd much rather be using them. (After all, don't I WANT to lay all things before His feet? Doesn't my heart soar at the thought of 'laying down my crowns at His feet'?)

But I find myself too unlike the wise men. I don't bow all the way down- maybe I put one knee down but stay poised to jump back up at a moment's notice. I get rid of some things in life, but feel attached to other things. I don't take time to give to someone else fully, because I convince myself that I'm already overwhelmed with my own agenda.

Can't I learn from these wise (yes wise!!!) men, that it is good and safe and worth it to throw everything aside and worship only the King in my midst (for indeed He is with us, until the end of the age!)? And can't I learn from the apostle Paul that it is worth it to 'lose all things' for His sake?

What on earth (pun intended) am I clinging to?!?!

Becoming Floral

Those who know me well know that I am, in general, a 'solid color' type of person.  I don't choose patterned garments, or stunningly eccentric tops. I don't even know how to accessorize "the right way", so I don't put much though into it.

For me, exciting is a solid white shirt with beige stripes. Or a solid black dress (or was it blue? I'll never really know I guess...) with white polka dots.

But now I have stepped into a culture where many women (especially common in the tribal locations) wear meri blauses. Noe bought me the blue one last year that you hopefully saw in a previous blog post. But since arriving, I've needed to expand my wardrobe so that I have several to cycle through each week.

And you guessed it. They're all floral. If not floral, brightly patterned. Oh-- my most recent acquisition has tribal masks on it...that's kind of 'fun'. :)

I have no complaints about my new wardrobe. The meri blauses are very comfortable. (But please don't let me wear them on furlough... come on, I'm counting on my good friends to dress me properly haha!)

But this new embracing of the floral life makes me laugh a bit. It's yet another reminder of how the ways of God are so beyond our understanding. So much bigger than our comprehension.

Since I can remember, I've been terribly afraid of spiders. And webs. (Well ok, slight bit of 'untruth' here, because I DO in fact remember sitting on our back deck as a child plucking out the legs of "Daddy Long Legs" spiders. At least at that point I could touch spiders! I'm not that brave anymore.) So where does He see fit to send and use me? Oh, just the country that boasts some of the world's largest spiders.

I also don't like hot weather. So where does He see fit to send and use me? As close to the equator as possible...

I'm also a person who is energized by being alone, and I value my quiet time. So where does He see fit to send and use me? Into a culture that values community and relationships, spending time with people constantly.

(We won't mention the food category!)

And as I began, I am a 'plain Jane', who enjoys solid colors and being in the background (until someone learns that I play the piano haha! Never fails...). So where does He see fit to send and use me? Into Floral-Ville. :)

He has a wonderful, loving sense of humor. I mean, I could look at all of this COMPLETELY negatively and say "Really, God?!" But since junior high, when I decided that my arachnophobia WOULD NOT stand in the way of me going where He would send me, I've had the opportunity to grow and develop in some of the areas that the apostle Paul addresses- particularly regarding contentment, and the ability to 'do' all things in His strength, which HE provides.

To 'do' (or we could say, to 'become') all things in Christ, who strengthens me.

When I think about "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me", I know that doesn't mean, "Sure, I can jump over this significantly large canyon, because 'HE WILL STRENGTHEN MEEEEEE!" No. It means I can 'become floral', because He can strengthen me with contentment- with His joy. I can smile as our tribal house goes up next year in the midst of giant spiders, knowing that He can strengthen me with peace. And a broom. (Ha.)(?) I can laugh as sweat drips down my neck and down my shirt (oh yes, constantly!), and carry on with my day without A/C, knowing that He can strengthen me with His own love-laughter. (After all, He was a 'man of sorrows', and ALSO He was 'anointed with the oil of joy'!) He is familiar with all of my weaknesses. And He is 110% stronger than the strongest of my strengths.

Since He can so completely do that in me, the question then is my willingness.

Am I willing to lose 'myself' to become something/someone else for His sake? To lay down my rights to this or that way of life.... (in order to gain the rights to share in His glory!)? To let go of my personal or cultural values... privacy, alone time, etc...? Let's not pretend this is all easy!

But am I willing?

(And do I really trust that if I let go, that He will still be holding on? ........ )

Brooms ~ Part II

Well since you're automatically now wondering about the spiders here (since my first Brooms post has a lot to do with those beasts), i will mention without hesitating that as I set down the laundry I carried inside this evening (because I left the basket in the house and was too lazy tired to go back up the stairs again to get it (even though I should for all the carbs we've been eating lately), I finally saw the big fatty spider slithering around on top of the pile. Yes slithering...it had nasty fluid-like motions with its legs. Hey come on, did you expect a one-liner about the spiders? From me? Ha!

But on a more serious note, other than one wolf spider by our "classroom" the other day, I've only seen very small spiders. I must say though, they are VERY fast. And they jump. They are hard to kill! 

Fortunately thus far, only Noe has been attacked by a spider. A very strange-looking green, big spider that reminds me of those sticky hand toys you throw against the wall...anyone remember those? anyway, a couple weeks ago we were in the village nearest the NTM center learning to weave morota ( thatch, from saksak branches), when this spider ran toward Noe, jumped onto his leg and started running up on his shirt! Noe jumped and brushed it off, and yelled 'something to the effect of' "What was that?!?!?!" I poured boiling water on my fingers later that day ( just for fun), but I still think I got the better end of the deal that day!

So speaking of brooms...

The girls and I enjoyed a cultural experience during our second week here in PNG. A group of us went in to a village and began getting to know some of the locals. There was a woman sitting on the ground surrounded by palm branches. We asked her what she was working on, and she replied that she was making a broom for her front porch. She invited us to learn if we had a knife. Not needing a second invitation, I walked over to Noe and asked to borrow his pocket knife. She showed me how to dig the knife in to the center of the branch, then run it along the middle stem to remove all of the leaf. By the end of this process, she had a pile of broom bristles to 'tie' together. (Brilliant!) We enjoyed learning and helping her for the next 30 minutes. Naya was doing it herself by the time we left- yes with a 'sharp' kitchen knife.

I don't have a broom of my own yet, but I'm looking forward to putting names of friends/fellow mothers, which I will see all the time...because the moment I am done sweeping the floor is ready to be swept again. Why is my heart the same way? Do you ever feel that way? The moment I'm done complaining and then working that out in my heart and before The Lord, another opportunity for complaining arises? Oh and as my children get older by the day, I find this principle especially true in my interactions with them. 

Anyway. Let's make it a point not to fight these battles alone but to purposefully share with one another (no I don't mean gossiping or slandering our husbands and children) and encourage one another to always be willing to pick up the broom and sweep that dust and dirt away again and again. If we let things fester, they will rot (and so will we). "Fester fester fester... Rot rot rot." We have the opportunity as Family members, as sisters in Christ, to help each other grow more and more into His image through the sharing of our struggles and the rejoicing together in our victories. 

Let's help each other (because sometimes we just really need help) to dig the knife in ALL the way to the center, the core...the root of our anxieties and burdens. And slide that knife all the way up until all that extra " junk" is gone and all that remains is a clean bristle which can be used effectively to make and model a clean, lovely "home" for our husband, children and loved ones.

Just 2 Hours

The plane thundered down the runway and took off from Cairns, Australia. Before too long, mainland Australia was out of sight and there was nothing below but open ocean. The flight was 2 hours long. 2 hours from Cairns, Australia to Port Moresby, Papua New Guinea. Just 2 hours. 

I couldn’t help but shake my head in amazement… just 2 hours from a highly evangelized nation lies this island nation of PNG where there remain several hundred people GROUPS- language GROUPS- ethnic GROUPS, who have never heard the Gospel. Just 2 hours. 

Just. 2. Hours. 

Over 2,000 years since Christ’s command to His disciples to go and make disciples of all nations. And here lies this country, this land the size of California, where thousands upon thousands of people still wait for His disciples to come to them and clearly present His Gospel of grace! Just 2 hours from Australia.

It blows my mind…

And it reminds me of a missionary’s testimony I heard not too long ago… after hearing the Gospel, one of the tribal believers came to the missionary and said, 

“This message was very important, indeed. If it was so important, why did your parents not come and tell my parents? Why did your grandparents not come and tell my grandparents? …”

Indeed, what are we “waiting” for?

Morsels

Wearing a traditional "meri"
blaus ("woman" shirt)

Just a few glimpses into some of my thoughts and experiences of the last week.

~I did not expect my first real wave of doubt to come as we were preparing to board our flight out of the USA. After all, this flight is ‘the moment’ I had been waiting for almost for 15 years! But as the frustrations and fatigue of the day set in, I found a part of my mind saying “What are we doing? Why are we doing this? Is this a bad idea?” ….oh I should include that a significant part of this questioning was due to a growing anxiety I was experiencing at flying in this exceptionally large aircraft (that has only been around for a few years). And indeed, I ended up having some very interesting conversations with the Lord throughout the flight, as my anxiety kept me from sleeping through the rather turbulent sky for 15 hours. (I knew it, I SHOULD have asked my dr for a Valium prescription, haha!)

~Despite the unexpected wave of doubt, once our feet were on PNG soil, I have felt quite at home, and able to ‘go with the flow’. The heat and humidity haven’t been discouraging, the traffic and atmosphere of the town haven’t been surprising, and the ants haven’t caused me to snap. Hehe. Yet. I think the most “fun” for me so far was when I discovered that a few hundred of the ants got into my bag of rice.(!) So we decided to put the bag in a container in the freezer to kill them. Whenever I need rice, I measure out what I need and soak it, and filter out the dead ants. Woohoo! (But Noe brought me some ant bait from town today after he helped another tribal team with their supply buying, and one of the families generously gave us a bottle of Ant Rid… so the bait is currently working its magic, and a few days will tell if we’ve made a dent or not!)

~Every night the geckos come inside and inhabit our windows (to kill other creatures). We first saw two of them when we were playing “Take-Off” with the girls before bed a couple nights ago. The girls decided to name these two “Todd” and “Olaf”. Too fun…

~Jocie is gradually getting over her fear of the ants. Last night she even laid down in her own bed at bedtime… for about 2 ½ minutes! But that’s progress! Today she looked at the table at a morsel of Cheese Twisties (these are like Cheetos… but NO, they are nothing like Cheetos. Eat some for us, American friends!!), and she watched as several ants broke off pieces of the morsel and carried the pieces away. We decided they were having a potluck. (See, it’s all about perspective. Well, much of it anyway.)

~My husband is amazing, and has been so helpful not just for our family in this transition, but for others on the center. Currently he’s out in a nearby village helping put up a thatch roof for a house. He got to go snorkeling yesterday with another missionary, and on their way, they went through a village where he met some men who had befriended some of our missionary friends, Jon and Taylor. These tribal men were excited to finally meet “Noah”, the “Mexican”. And they’re excited to meet our family. In the next few days, we look forward to taking the girls into a village to meet some folks.

~Surrounding our house, we just learned, are lemongrass plants, ibica (like spinach), a chili plant, a pineapple growing in the ground, and nearby the house is a tree of “Captain Crunch Berries” (that’s for you Bekka), and a plumeria tree! The girls and I, and the Crabtree’s girls, walked over to that tree earlier today and gathered some of the blossoms from the ground. We made a little bouquet in a bowl for a table centerpiece, which is now giving our dining a room a wonderful aroma!

Last night's dinner - homemade tortillas, refried kidney beans,
rice, and cheese. Yum!

Well I hope you enjoyed some ‘morsels’ from life here. It’s a bit scattered, but that’s how things are a bit currently. J I’m hoping to start Naya’s 1^st grade in the morning, unless there’s something else on schedule that I’m unaware of. For now, I’m off to start dinner. Going to make up some white sauce to put on noodles, per Jocie’s request. Wish me luck!

The One who called us is faithful.

Tomorrow I will move to another country, with my husband, two daughters, and some luggage.

It is a very surreal feeling. The rooms that a week ago were bursting with disorganized chaos are now echoing with emptiness. The suitcases that looked big enough for me to curl up and hide in for a brief nap now have corners of clothes begging to escape.

The fundraisers are through, the open houses are done, and the goodbyes are being felt. I know it's harder for those staying, in part because we've been so busy that I haven't been able to wrap my brain around it. It's been a blessing to experience such love and support from so many people as we head out into this new chapter.

As I picture myself walking down the ramp onto the first  (of 6) plane tomorrow, I have thought several times to the moments years (and years) ago when I knew I would be doing this (!). The first was in early high school. I had just learned about people groups around the world who had no Bible in their language. I sat at my desk in English class, and 'knew' in the deepest part of my heart that I MUST be involved in this! After all, He gave this command over 2,000 years ago! And we're still trying to get the job done... :) How could I not be a part of this?

The second moment I reflect on is from Ecola Bible School, about 10 years ago. I had learned about New Tribes Mission, and became further compelled (if that was possible) to GO and be involved in Bible translation and church planting. I remember walking from my tiny dorm above the dining hall, across the long parking lot toward the gym, feeling excited and nervous all at the same time. I remember looking up toward the sky and saying boldly (and nervously) to Him, "I am going to go! Will I go alone? Or who will you send with me?"

And now, 10 years since then, here I am! Tomorrow I will go, and I will go with an amazing, like-minded husband, and two beautiful daughters. We have the joy and privilege as a family to grow together in our walks with Him as we take His Gospel of grace to a people who has not yet heard!

It has been nearly 15 years since I knew I wanted to step onto that airplane. And the One who called me HAS been faithful- and tomorrow I will step onto that plane with joy, excitement, (and everything in between) and HIS strength.

How does it feel to take off from your hometown airport, knowing you will likely not see it again for years? It's surreal! But the One who called us is faithful. So we breathe in and out, and we walk in Him.

How does it feel to say goodbye to your parents, grandparents, family, friends? To step off of their porches for the last time in a long time? It's difficult! But the One who called us is faithful. So we breathe in and out, and we walk in Him.

How does it feel to consider all that lies ahead in this next year (language learning, culture learning, climate adjusting, time zone adjusting, lifestyle changing, etc...)? It's amazing actually (and we know there will be good days and difficult days)! And the One who called us is faithful. So we breathe in and out, and we walk in Him.

How does it feel to be a part of this task? It's the greatest joy imaginable. The. Greatest. Joy. And the One who called us is faithful. So we breathe in and out, and we RUN JOYFULLY in Him!

Losing My Mind!

Ah, THOSE moments!

I don't even know what day of the week it is, or what date.  I had to open the little clock on the top of my computer screen to check ;)

If you see this happening this week... feel free
to laugh. But then maybe let me know? ;)

This morning I woke up, took my iron supplement, waited a grueling hour to finally have some coffee during which time I finished sorting the girls' clothes (which ones to to Madang, which ones go in the crate for our tribal home), then took the clothes and other items to be packed into our crate. We spent all day packing our crate, and in the afternoon, my mom called to ask where some clothes were for the girls for their overnight tonight at a friends' house.

I had to ask her to wait a minute. As I waited for a revelation about the clothes, nothing came, just my mental eyes staring at a blank wall. AAH. I turned around and stared at the suitcase I had brought for the crate, trying to figure out what I put inside of it... finally it struck me that the clothes I had brought with me were for the crate. So... where were the clothes for Madang? "Ahh, they must be at my mom's house", I realized. I asked her "Are there piles of clothes on the couch?" She said no. AAH. Thinking, thinking... "What did I do after I made those piles of clothes!?" She offered that there were bags of clothes on the floor. "No, those are for Goodwill", I responded. Then she said there were two suitcases with clothes in them. BINGO! "Get some clothes out of there!" I said, feeling triumphant finally!

Phew!!

We need a personal guide next Monday so we get on the right plane, for sure!

SO excited to get to PNG. So much to do in the meantime... but so many people blessing us with kindness!

Jumble

Got to find a modest swimsuit. Still looking for cotton 'skimmies' to wear under my skirts to keep the bugs out. Need to pack our crate. Need to pack our suitcases! What are we taking on the plane? Do I need snacks for the kids? Oh- and I need to finish Naya's Kindergarten. I hope I have all I need for her 1st grade. The handful of boxes of random paperwork and this-n-that's that I need to sort through. Oh and all those random vitamins. Need to mail the various books we've borrowed from people over the last few years. Got to get to the bank to deposit all our loose change. Noe still needs a pillow. Oh and we can't get much in the way of underwear so we all need to get more of that. Have to meet the financial planner again to sign for our retirement account. Oh and what food am I providing for the open house this Sunday? Do I need to bring any long pants/jeans for the colder climate in PNG? How many pairs of socks anyway? How much is stuff REALLY gonna mold? Where is that little box I use to so carefully wrap my teacup? I was going to mail myself a care package as someone recommended, but I haven't found the time. :( Too late now. Oh and we just printed newsletters, gotta find time to input the rest of our friends' addresses and get all our envelopes stuffed and stamped and mailed! And why is my to-do list still not shrinking? I thought we had a free night, but I was wrong. How do I best use each hour? I'm so tired too- do I have time for a nap? Or should I have more coffee and nap on the plane? :)

I WILL be on that plane in 12 days, with my to-do list empty and my notebook ready for language and culture learning and adaptation...

Despite the crazy glimpse into my brain that I just shared (yes, glimpse.. I could've gone on and on for hours), the 12-day countdown reminds me that no matter what happens each hour and each day, it's all in His hands, and what gets done will get done. I don't have to accomplish it all perfectly. It will be what it will be.

As one of our instructors in Michigan said,

"Work as if it all depends on you, 

but know that it all depends on God."

It Runs

Every time we flush the toilet, it runs! And runs! And runs.... And RUNS :( :( :(

It didn't take long for me to laugh at myself, however, at what a silly nuisance that is. I love seeing His hand at work - seeing opportunities for growth in my heart and mind. I can hardly imagine the many 'opportunities' I will have, such as a toilet that runs and makes me stand there jiggling the handle repeatedly until it resolves itself. There are definitely moments when this toilet defeats me. (I know what you're thinking. Really? Toilet talk? Great...) But He gives me the encouragement to just take a breath, close my eyes, and breathe in His joy in spite of it.

Not instead of it. For the frustrations of this life are very real. (He said it Himself - "In this world you will have trouble.")

But in SPITE of it. (He said it Himself immediately following His last statement - "But take heart! I have overcome the world.")

Thanking Him in spite of my heart's great "sin-cancer" does not mean I deny that there is great pain and sorrow. But my thankfulness is this: "Thank you that You are YOU, and that YOU are always with me, that You know it, that You have done it, and that You have promised to complete the work You have begun in me. THANK YOU."

And this thankfulness draws my heart into His heart, filling it up with His tenderness and joy, and it runs over abundantly!

Keep running if you must, little toilet. You will not get the best of me! :)

Love and Broken-Heartedness

"If it doesn't break your heart, it isn't love."

I heard this in a song the other day.
It reminded me of this C.S. Lewis quote about love:

“To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable.”

I consider that if my heart is broken over something, that perhaps there is love involved. Depending on the object of my affection (conscious or sub-conscious), this broken-heartedness can be good or bad. (Fruitful or destructive?)

We say that love is more than a feeling. I agree. It moves into action. It is often represented by action, seemingly alone.

I would wonder then if broken-heartedness is likewise more than a feeling. I believe it moves into action, and is often represented by action, seemingly alone.

Broken-heartedness and love can go hand in hand.

After all, this is how He so willingly and completely embraces us in spite of how deeply we have broken His heart. 

And so, walking in His footsteps, we can learn to so willingly and completely embrace others in spite of how deeply they have broken our hearts. 

A misconception in missions work is that it is love for the people that drives missionaries on. But missionaries who have been there know better (and others like myself have learned from their testimonies). It is not love for the people that keeps a missionary on the field, but love for Christ~ and obedience to HIM, because of HIS perfect love and longing for them. Our emotion of love will fade. Even our action of love or action of our our broken-heartedness for their lost state will draw up insufficient. Why? Because that is our own effort. We can do nothing but look upon Him. And after all, what a relief! For HE will build His Church. What an immense joy and privilege to be a part of His plan! For He takes me in my insufficiencies and my weaknesses, and He speaks clearly in spite of my stammering lips, and He serves boldly in spite of my trembling hands.

May He love. Again and again. Even through my "not-enough-ness." 

The Lucky Few

Some of us just get pooped on.

Source: http://10000birds.com/enlightenment-through-bird-poop.htm

It's as though it was always meant to happen.

For as long as I can remember, I've been that person who trips over her shadow, walks into trees and doors and walls, gets pooped on by birds, and tells jokes backwards.

I was at a wedding last weekend. The best man, the brother of the groom, gave a great toast in which he shared some humorous anecdotes about his experience growing up. He felt that throughout his life, his "purpose" was to make his brother look good- by means of his shortcomings, or even his failures. He wasn't disrespecting himself, but rather enjoying the difference between him and his brother.

In some ways, I could make the same argument, that perhaps the reason I've been so lucky as to be clumsy and be the brunt of jokes and be in the wrong place at the wrong time (or the right place/right time from the birds' perspectives...), is so that others can both find amusement, and so they can look good. Hehe!! Like the groomsman, I don't say this in self-disrespect, but I kind of enjoy the idea that someone else breathes a happy sigh of relief if I take the bird poop.

Also, after washing the crow poop out of my hair yesterday (yes, I got pooped on yesterday- almost twice within an hour), I wondered if it isn't all preparation for my life ahead in the jungle. For the many times I will no doubt trip over roots, walk into trees and doors and walls, get pooped on by birds or attacked by other vicious creatures like spiders, and not understand jokes or be able to tell them... MAYBE, just maybe, my life experience has prepared me to not fall apart in those moments, but to be able to find humor in it and perhaps laugh at myself. :)

You see, there has never been a season in my life in which I thought the world was right, or that life was 'good'. For me, it's 'always' been 'wrong'.

But that doesn't mean I am obligated to feel and live as though it is a complete disaster. It gives me the opportunity to choose my response. To choose to be devastated, to choose to bury my head in the sand, or to choose to lift my eyes. I've learned that real living in the midst of this life comes from lifting my eyes to Christ, the author of life.

This doesn't by any means imply that I have it down, and that I always respond well. Those who know me are well aware that it is a continual struggle for me to choose the best response when I walk into a tree.

I won't lie- I'm encouraged when I realize I'm not the only lucky one who has such great encounters with nature. Naya walked into a wall as she headed to her room this evening. As we comforted her, I felt some inner joy and pride, knowing that she carries my genes. :) ... poor child. :)

When the Sun Goes Down

A couple nights ago, we took a ferry across the water from Bremerton to Seattle. BEAUTIFUL trip. To make it even better, the sun was slowly sinking into the Olympic mountain range, so the world glowed with an orange hue. Then that moment comes- the radiance suddenly lifts as the sun hides below the horizon.
Taking a breath, I immediately tried to remember what I felt just seconds ago, what I had seen. The memory made me smile. But I could not feel it as keenly as when I was experiencing it.

And I thought about how rich I am.

How rich He has made me in the blessing of special moments, special places, special people.

Just like the setting of the sun, all of these incredible gifts are two things:
1) Incredible gifts!
2) Fading

When I soak up the warmth of the gifts He has placed all around me, I am able to find enjoyment in this life He has given me. Too often I've taken advantage of them, perhaps with the notion that they would last, and last in an unchanging manner- whether it be a moment, or a place to make a memory, or a relationship. The challenge then lies here: do I believe that the setting of the sun, or the changing of a gift if you will, is a lessening of His blessing? Do I believe He is taking it away from me and casting me into a season of shivering and longing for the warmth of that direct sunlight? Or can I see the beauty at dusk? (Ok, it's no secret that dusk has long been the time of day I hate most... try being a grumpy teenager weeding in the garden at dusk. So hard to see that I end up putting whole handfuls of soil into the yardwaste container...)

When the sun goes down, will I choose to remain thankful?
When the sun goes down, will my vision change?
When the sun goes down, will I keep breathing in and out?
When the sun goes down, will He remain faithful?

Like anything in life, the season and the perspective changes. A gift I was given and held onto dearly and cherished and rejoiced in... might reshape and change over time. That doesn't make it any less of a gift. Nor does that mean I should toss it out, like tossing out the good soil along with the weeds. I have the opportunity to grow and change along with it, and to embrace it in its new form. I have the good challenge to accept it for what it is now.

Extra Brain Cells?

I've been at a loss for words lately. Lots of difficult and quasi-difficult circumstances going on these days with families and loved ones.

And even more-so, just the constant spinning around of my poor little brain! It's trying so hard to keep up with these times! It's been a monthly countdown since we were in Missouri. Now it's weekly... and actually it's even more DAILY! 52 days... my heart skips a beat each time I see our countdown on our blog.

I know that all of a sudden I am going to be lying wide awake in bed through the wee hours of the morning when I should be sleeping, counting down the hours and then the minutes until we leave for the airport. Anyone going to volunteer to be awake so I can pray with you over text in the middle of the night? :)

Seriously- I can only think about 4 hours ahead these days. Any kind of "what about tomorrow?" is totally lost on me. :)

SO much to do, SO little time (and SO little energy :( ...).

Praying for His grace. Praying for extra brain cells.

Jitters

Sleepless nights are beginning. 62 days to go... so much to do, and what feels like so little time!

I was reminded of the days surrounding my short term mission trips in high school (I went on two trips with Teen Missions International, to Poland and to Zambia). During those days I had dream after dream about showing up at the mission's 'boot camp' in Florida - sometimes without my box of belongings! Other times I had the box, but when I opened it, I had forgotten clothes. Or a sleeping bag. Or all my money...

Oh speaking of which, one of those years I did actually seal up my box of belongings and go to bed, and upon double-checking my packing list in the morning I realized I had locked all my money safely in my filing cabinet! Had to break the seal on the box and put the money in... that could've been a very awkward situation...

Anyway, I remember those dreams because I sometimes think I will forget something "vital" (something I perhaps consider vital today) to our surviving/living in the jungle. Like a knife. Or toothpaste? Or... underwear? Who knows!

But all that to say- this is all so very mind-boggling, and when I lay down at night, my brain is like a hamster. No need to explain. Right? (Noe always gives me a hard time about hamsters since I left mine to die during a tsunami evacuation in Oregon... and he still thinks I purposely killed it... ok... I may not love animals, but starving one?)

*If you were moving to a jungle for several years, is there something specific you'd want to make sure you had with you? A favorite cooking utensil maybe? A favorite health book? A favorite sermon podcast? Leave your comments if you're willing to share. (Did you know commenting is an encouragement? :) ... no,
really!)