Actually, one of the reasons I joined track in high school was that it WAS a solo sport, dependent on personal motivation, personal dedication, with personal goals!
In fact, much of my life has been a 'solo run'...As a little girl, I was the only girl on my toss-ball team (they told me to go home and play with my Barbies... until I ran faster than all of them! Ha!). I also chose to play the trumpet in 5th grade when all the other girls chose the flute or the clarinet. :) From 6th grade on, I grew very interested in the Lord, and felt like "the only one" of those around me who was running after Him. As a teenager, I felt very alone in my emotional and mental struggles. After 11th grade I flew solo to Florida for my first 8-week mission trip. I did this again after I graduated high school. And then I moved to Oregon to attend Bible school, and didn't know anyone except for one other guy from our church who attended the same year I did (oh yes, he's now my husband of 7.5 years... hehe). I would frequently run the beach or the indoor track solo. I'd walk the beach solo, just myself and the Lord (and His precious Word!).
It's been 10 years since I moved to Oregon, and in that time He has changed my perspective on this whole 'running thing', and given me various running partners.First of all, He has taught me that life in Him is not meant to be lived alone. It's not a solo effort! As believers, we are a part of the Body of Christ, and we are meant to work together, function together, rejoice together, weep together, gather together, etc....!
Next, He blessed me with a believing husband. A husband is a most unique kind of running partner. A kind of relationship that is unmatched by any other relationship. But perhaps the most interesting aspect to me of this marriage relationship is that it is very much dependent on a different relationship: my relationship with the Lord, and his relationship with the Lord. If our individual relationships with the Lord are crumbling, it causes crumbling effects in our marriage relationship. And consequently, either of us can feel as though we are still running this race alone when we are not drawing from Christ, our spring of Living Water.
After high school, I continued running, and began working on building up distance/endurance. In September 2011 I was asked to run a 5k with a friend on Thanksgiving (My first 5k. I'd always been a sprinter. Never needed that skill after high school, haha!). I began training alone, along a beautiful-looking (yes, actually quite nasty) lake in the Missouri Ozarks. See, one thing I've ALWAYS cherished about running alone is all the time I gain to talk and think with the Lord! Thanksgiving morning came, and I found myself at the starting line with not one but two other ladies. Made me kind of nervous to have company!
But running that 5k, and doing it alongside sisters in Christ, was inspiring to me. How else do you learn that your sister is desperately thirsty? How could you give her water if you had no idea of her need? And how could you encourage your sister to make it to the next lamp-post if you were not running by her side? How would you even know she was tired in her race?
That spring, I had the joy of training with another friend for my first half marathon (a goal of mine since graduating high school). The hours (upon hours) we spent running together, 3x a week, gave us SO many opportunities to get to know each other, to share our joys and our burdens, to enjoy His creation, and simply to run together! And you know something? The whole thing about 'your pace is right if you can carry on a conversation'? It's true. Not just in running, but in life. Sometimes it's difficult to try and talk, as your body goes in and out of the "runner's high". But you feel freedom and joy in those times when you realize you've been running for several miles but you can talk with little effort! There is a season for both. :) The key is not to get overwhelmed and call it quits in the difficult moments.
So now... (oh come on, you must've known this was bound to get serious at some point)... :)
I am nearly finished with my Linguistic write-up, and all that stands between us and Papua New Guinea is 9 short months (and loads of paperwork) (and packing) (and vaccinations) (and more goodbyes). Yes, MORE goodbyes... I had to say one of my most difficult ones last week. And in January I will say my second tremendously difficult one. These are my long-term running partners! What is a runner to do without her running partners for several years at a time? There isn't necessarily an answer. And I know that we are all still running together deeply in spirit! (Amen!) But not too long ago, I had a 'moment' as I was playing the song below by Kari Jobe, "My Everything." You see, I believe firmly that He IS my Everything. He has called me to Himself, and He has compelled me to this task. And I'm THRILLED to be a part! And we are thrilled that our daughters get to partake of it with us as we learn and grow together! I'm glad and gladly willing to go! ("How then will they hear unless someone preaches to them?...") There's nothing in me that wants to stay here and NOT be involved in what His heart beats for! But as I listened to the song, I still found myself struggling... maybe all those years of running solo were a facade, a defense. He has shown me the beauty of fellowship and friendship. How precious it is to sit on the porch with blankets in the darkest hour of the morning with a friend over some (cheap) coffee! How joyful it is to find innovative ways of making a box of mac and cheese (parlez vous microwave?) with a friend. He has shown me that it is ok, and it is good, to love and be loved.
So I believe that for the first time in my life, as I venture out "solo" again, my heart is in a new place. "What will I do when I feel lonely and feel I'm running solo?" And it as though I hear Him asking, and also hear MY heart asking itself:
Is HE enough for me when I am running solo? Is He really my Everything?
Kari Jobe- "My Everything" -- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zxBu2vzLPZA
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