To drive across our country is a treat! Well, some of the states are more of a stale treat, but for the most part it's been special to experience the dramatic landscape He so carefully crafted (and the evidence of an incredibly impactful deluge!). The ocean and mountains in the northwest. The hills. The flatlands. The Rockies. FarmVille- oops, farm country. The Great Lakes and Lake Michigan. The rolling hills of PA. The Ozarks.
One of the most intriguing things about the Midwest has been the distinct seasons! Hot, humid summers. Glowing colorful autumn- the beauty in death because of the hope of spring. Cold, snowy winters. And the literal bursting forth of the spring!
For me, I felt like I arrived in Michigan four years ago in the fall. (Well ok, we actually did, but that wasn't the point) it was a change for us, having just stepped out of several years of ministry in Oregon. I knew that as we began diving into His Word that He had some huge plowing to do in my heart and mind. Indeed! As our two years in Michigan progressed, fall turned into winter as He convinced me more and more of my sin, my selfishness, my depravity apart from Him and my complete need for and dependence upon Him. I remember feeling so crushed that I wanted to crawl into a hole and hide. I was trying to be like Him, but failing all the more! A quote I read in Stanford's Green Letters addressed my problem quite well:
"The Holy Spirit says, you cannot do it; (make yourself like Him in your strength) just withdraw; come out of it. You have been in the arena, you have been endeavoring, you are a failure, come out and sit down, and as you sit there behold Him, look at Him. Don't try to be like Him, just look at Him. Just be occupied with Him, forget about trying to be like Him. Instead of letting that fill your mind and heart, let Him fill it. Just behold Him, look upon Him through the Word "
It may be an extreme quote, but it helped me to breathe and realize afresh that HE does His work in me. I cannot produce fruit. He produces it in me as I draw into Him.
So as I 'budded' out of my winter, He gave me such an abundance of springtime joy! Lots of new thinking as we spent the last two years in Missouri. New thinking, new experiences, new preparation for our upcoming 'life', new partners in ministry (in every way!), and new friendships (including a dear one for me!). And above it all He has convinced me over and over simply through who He is- that He is WORTH IT! It is worth the cold, shivering, crumbling season of autumn. It is worth the dry, frozen, seemingly empty deathly season of winter. Because after the rain and snow have pounded deeply into the heart, pure new glorious life bursts forth with such inexpressible joy that could never be experienced without having known the sting of darkness.
By the end of our training in MO, I felt so full, so richly blessed in my heart by Him. He doesn't even have to DO anything, He is enough simply existing as my Savior and my God! And yet He always goes above and beyond. Why does He do this? Why is He THAT good?
So I've rejoiced greatly in this summer season, so full and bright. :)
Full circle. Which brings me now to autumn again. As we look to the incredible changes that are taking place this year for us, we are living out the elements of this lifestyle that would be the "painful sacrifice" for us. Being brothers and sisters in Christ brings immense joy! But such deep, real relationships cause great pain to leave behind. It really does a number on the heart to soak up moments and memories with loved ones so they can be carried with us as we go. Really, why must pain and joy be in the same pot?! Would a chef ever serve a gourmet soup with poop in it? And yet we read that Jesus endured the cross "considering the joy set before Him"!! Pain and joy seem to be very close siblings. He considered me worth it. Likewise I consider Him worth it. That doesn't make it easier. But it makes it worth it. He is worth it.
I stood outside a couple days ago with a fleece blanket, admiring the changing leaves with a precious 10-year-old girl. I was remarking on how beautiful it is. When I mentioned that we were really admiring death, it took her by surprise :) We talked about why we can find it so beautiful... Because we have the hope, the promise, of new life in the spring.
So as I brace myself for this chilly season, and wrap myself in a warm fleece blanket, I can and will (I must!) rejoice in the hope, the promise, of the spring. I must "seek joy in this bittersweet goodbye".
Enjoy Him!! In every season:
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