Clearing Out

It's refreshing to clear out extra things, junk, duplicates, clutter... anything that we won't be needing for our life in PNG. It really makes me evaluate the "what if"... (What if we were staying here? Would I really continue living with all of this stuff?!) (No, I'm not against cultural norms. I think fighting the cultural norm so strongly can actually come across as arrogance...whether we're choosing to live in 'plenty' OR in 'want'.)

It's also sobering to let go of tangible memories. I experienced this in getting rid of things we'd saved from our time living in Cannon Beach. And I felt it this week visiting my grandmother's home, which is gradually becoming empty (she passed away in February).

It's difficult to get rid of old thinking habits. Engrained at a young age, their threat continues, although manifested differently as the years go by. For example, a critical and selfish young person such as myself will find that she continues to be critical and selfish, just in different ways. Is there an MSM (Most Selfish Missionary) Award? I suppose I'd have to nominate myself! *Note- does the realness surprise you? Perhaps you are like me, having grown up only hearing about the goodness and spiritual zeal of missionaries... If this is the first time you've heard of a missionary who struggles with selfishness, then... yikes! But meanwhile, vote for me? ;)

It's lovely to open my hands and let my ideals slip through my fingers to make way for Christ's perfect will and purpose for my life. When my hands are open, He gives me the freedom to take great joy what is before me, and the ability to move on from it as He uses my life for His glory.

Clearing out. A mixture of joy and pain. HEY! I could choose not to experience any of that. I could just 'hold on to who I am and never let (Him) change me from the inside...' But what joy would come of that? For:

He refreshes me with less of this world and more of Himself.
He challenges me to remember the preciousness of His working in my life.
He urges me to walk in Him and let Him make me less selfish and more like Him.
He fills me with the joy of His choosing me (a cracked and broken vessel!) to bring Him glory!