In Brokenness

"He didn't wait for us to be cleaned up and living perfect lives first. No, He sent Jesus to die for us while we were still in the midst of our sin!"

A Tigak sister in Christ sat with me after church yesterday, and together we marveled at God's tremendous grace toward us. How in the midst of our sin and our brokenness was the exact, purposeful moment He chose to save us.

How incredibly freeing, that Jesus didn't ask me to clean up my act before saving me.

Likewise, He did not ask me to clean up my act before USING me. He didn't require me to 'get all my ducks in a row' and attain to some measure of perfection, and THEN He would be able to use me. Rather, He took me in my brokenness and delighted in me! That just blows me away.

Don't misunderstand me, there was work to be done first! In high school, I sat in my English class, knowing wholeheartedly that I wanted nothing in this life but to be a part of His mission, to tell those who had never heard the Gospel of grace. I told Him, "I'm ready to get on a plane and go. Now!" But He had wonderful plans for me then, just as He does now. Those wonderful plans sure sounded unwonderful at the time. But He had a lot of refining work to do in my heart, much growing and maturing, simple life experience, and incredibly valuable equipping. And it would be almost 15 years before I actually stepped into the life I wanted to be a part of back in high school.

Now again, don't misunderstand me! He was not waiting for me to become the epitome of loveliness and grace that women everywhere would marvel at and find themselves squinting at my halo as I waltzed around sweating life-giving water with my angelic children strolling daintily alongside me and always having a spotless home and gracing my every waking moment with insurmountable beauty as Scripture flowed off my tongue and fell upon eager ears like fragrant rose petals.

Oh for heaven's sake!  I am still the same struggling daughter of His now that I was then, wrestling to rest in my identity in Him versus what the world and the evil one try to convince me of. Unsure many times how to interact with people in ways that are relatable. Fighting the perpetual mountain of dirty dishes, reeeeeeeeally dirty clothes, piles of termite residue and roach poop and spider webs (*no, I haven't made any progress in this area, thanks for asking) and ant trails that are really just a 'front' for the fact that our house is most likely held up entirely by ant hills. Longing to be 'Mother Goose' mama to my darling daughters but wishing so many times I had better control of my emotions and my (dare I say it?) tongue. Wanting to be the 'Proverbs 31 wife' but knowing I'm still in my early 30's and have a long way to go since that woman was probably much older than I and I will probably be much older than she was if that can EVER be said of me, and I also don't know much about merchant ships. Asking Him to produce the fruits of the Spirit in me since 'for some reason' I still cannot produce them on my own. Still being surprised and disappointed that I don't always have 'the right word of wisdom' to give to a sister in Christ, here in Tigak or back home, when a need arises, and wondering if that is my negligence to be in His Word and in fellowship with Him enough, or if He simply doesn't need me to be the one to always give the answers on the spot.
[Sidenote to young people considering missions: 1) Becoming a missionary will not make you holier. 2) Moving overseas will not make your struggles magically disappear. 3) There is no such thing as 'holy sweat'. Please pack deodorant.]

But in all of this...
All of this asking and longing and searching and wrestling...
I see Him not asking me to be the face of perfection. Frankly, that would be no good for these beautiful Tigak ladies. If He ever wanted something from me, it is that I would be pointing only to Him, who alone is the face of perfection. It is that my life would be the fragrance of Christ Himself. Jesus' disciples did not say, "Follow me, for I've got it all together." No no no. Just no. They said, "Follow me*, for I follow Christ!"

(*me = me in all of my human-ness, weakness, 'not-enough-ness')

And seriously, guys, we have experienced so many moments when folks here have considered that we 'white-skins' do indeed "have it all together", whether that be spiritually or financially or... (the list could go on). We MUST point to Him in everything we do. Is He the reason behind everything we do? If not, we have some re-evaluating to do.

He didn't ask me to be perfect before He was willing to use me. He asked me to be faithful. And He asks me to give Him the glory. How do I do that? By pointing to Him in all things. How so? By willingly sharing my weaknesses and struggles and my brokenness with those He has put in my path.

You know what the irony is in all of this?

It is FREEING. I think we sometimes get stuck thinking that our brokenness is crippling. Our shortcomings and weaknesses then keep us from moving and living and being effective. I have had more than enough moments of such thinking. But when I took a step back and looked at the big picture of what He is doing in me and in this world, my perspective changed. I no longer felt a slave to my brokenness and shortcomings. I felt free to use them for His glory! Oh and what a deep sigh of relief and joy there is when we can come to that place.

It's not that I rejoice THAT I am broken. And in all of this we're not talking about rejoicing over sin. No, but I rejoice that "He is" in the midst of my "I am not". And what blows my mind is that He is not ashamed to use me. In 2 Corinthians 4, Paul says that "we have this treasure in jars of clay (or 'earthen vessels'), to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us." With all of my cracks and crevices, and chips and stains and flaws, and times when I fought against His best for me, and times when I thought I had what I needed apart from Him, and times when I felt like a useless vessel because my 'world' was falling apart (oh how blind)...
In all of those things and despite them, He is not ashamed of me, because of Jesus Christ! And He wants to use me in my brokenness, and He wants to actually use my brokenness to meet others in theirs. TODAY. Not tomorrow, after I've straightened some more things out. Today. Now.

Comfort of the Ground

Most revelations come through hindsight.

I feel like a couple days ago I 'woke up' and my comfort level when walking around the village has increased! In this context, when a group of people are sitting around talking, if you walk by, they don't invite you to come sit down with them. You have to invite yourself, or simply walk in and sit down with them. But they're generally glad you did! (And if they're not, they will start making excuses one by one why they need to leave, until you're the last one sitting there, haha!)

Anyway, I'm glad that I am starting to feel more comfortable here. Time has begun to pave a path of relationships, and of understanding who people are, what they're about, and what they believe. This gives me SO much more joy as I leave my house and walk around in the village.

Choosing to take time for relationships with people creates these bonds. Asking and answering questions keeps conversation going and strengthens the relationship. 

Sometimes it's difficult for me to choose to take time for relationships. Sometimes my eyes get overly distracted by housework, or the back of my eyelids, pride, insecurity, or simply my own selfish agenda. There are things like that, (especially housework, amen?) that will ALWAYS be before me. But relationships are not automatically there to greet me like a sink of dirty dishes is. In contrast, relationships take effort to be strong and fruitful. They take me denying myself and my agenda. And they take me thinking of the other person in the way that Christ thinks of them. I don't believe He has me here on this earth to ignore people, or to walk alongside sisters in Christ at a surface level. It's much more comfortable to do that, though! Especially with a language and culture barrier, let me tell you!

But the comfort of this ground is not what He desires for me. In fact, I think it's pretty clear throughout Scripture that comfort on this ground was never His plan or intention for His children. Looking toward our heavenly Home is His desire- which is looking toward Christ. And there we have it again in its purest form: relationships.

The comfort I'm starting to experience here in Tigak has NOTHING to do with my house, with the weather (ha!), with the bugs, with the lifestyle... not. at. all. It has EVERYTHING to do with the building of relationships. 

Now I don't know, but I'm guessing that when Jesus was born on that day we now remember as 'Christmas day", I'm pretty sure He didn't wake up in that feeding trough (and its remarkable, high-class context) and think, "Ah, how great is THIS!!" It wasn't about the comfort of this ground, it was about His goal, His mission- relationships.

And so it is my hope and my endeavor to learn and choose daily to be relational. I have the chance everyday to love others in how I communicate and relate to them. I can take that- OR I can leave that. It's up to me, each and every day.

Merry Christmas! Let's go and be intentional to build relationships:
~ with believers, to strengthen each other in the faith and give each other joy (as 1 John says)
~ and with unbelievers, that we may understand their belief system so that we may truly know how to share the gospel of grace with them

Our girls with some friends from another tribe.
Relationships are just as important for MK's!
Did you know you and/or your kids can write to Naya and Jocie?
You can send letters in the mail, OR through Maily,
a safe and free kids' email program. Ask us about it!

When Christ is Not Enough

If the title of this blog post alone doesn't cut your heart...

Imagine for a moment that a woman in your church has a seriously sick relative, but instead of taking him to the hospital, she takes him to go see a witchdoctor. This yields no results, but she continues this practice, because many in the community are saying that his sickness was caused by 'black magic'. And he gets sicker and sicker by the day...

What do you think caused this woman, who you believe is a born-again believer, to make such choices? Does she believe that Christ is not enough? That He does not have the power to heal her relative?**

Why do we, at times, live as though Christ is not enough?

Is He insufficient in any way? Think through every area of your life. In what ways Has he fallen short? And if you are believing this, where are you taking your burdens?

When you ask Him for something, and He chooses to answer with a 'no' for the result you were hoping for... does that mean that He failed you? Does that mean He is not enough for your satisfaction and for your joy?

...His divine power has given us everything we need for life and godliness..

...for in Him we live and move and have our being...

---and He is able to make all grace abound to you...

...He is before all things, and in Him all things hold together...

...with thanksgiving, present your requests to God...

...for we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses...

What would you say to a sister in Christ who is leaning on things of the world or of the evil one, rather than on Christ?

Please join me in praying for this sister in Christ, and for her relative whose health is deteriorating each week.

**from Scripture, we know fully that indeed He has the power to heal physical ailments. What we also know is that He does not promise to do so. His ways are not are ways, and His thoughts are not our thoughts. But we are freely invited to confidently lay our requests before Him, believing that He has all power and authority, and that He cares deeply for us- that He may receive the glory. And so we ought to. Amen?

Brooms ~ Part 4

Disclaimer: This is NOT a photography blog. Do not expect great photos! (For added effect, one of the photos below is even blurry! Just trying to be consistent...)

This post is simply to update you... if you go ALL the way back to the original Brooms post, you will read at the very end a little idea that I had, to write YOUR names on my broom handle. By doing this, I would be reminded of YOU, and pray for YOU as I went about my daily responsibilities.

I'm here to tell you that I have now done this, and it is one of the BEST "little things" I have ever done! Why?

1. It reminds me of your beautiful faces, each of whom I miss very much.
2. It reminds me that we are all in this together, as moms raising our little ones in the mist of becoming like Christ (and all the joys and sorrows that these endeavors bring, thank you Holy Spirit!).
3. It engages my heart and mind in a VERY good way - instead of feeling grumpy or discontent, it gives me the opportunity to think of you and pray for YOU. And in some cases, reminds me that I haven't written to you in a long time.
4. It reminds me of your darling children, and how precious their friendship is to MY children.
5. It simply makes sweeping a happier task.

In the photos, you can see a few names, but as you will notice, I decided to write them 'randomly', encompassing the handle. No matter how I am holding the broom, I see names of my fellow moms/friends to think of and pray for. I have at least 20 names, and I add more whenever I think of it!

Ladies... I couldn't recommend this more! It's been SUCH an encouragement already! (I bet you crafty types would make yours even cuter, too. You can make me my next one after I break this one killing spiders.)

So get your Sharpie out and do it! :)

Also, I love and miss you all.

"Now I Understand!"

"It's NOT because you are whiteskins!"

She went on to say, "I've been looking at both of you missionary families, and the missionary family that was here before, and I have always thought what I've seen is so nice. I have always thought it was because you are whiteskins, but reading this talk, now I understand! It's because you are following God's talk."

We've been studying through Ephesians (more of an overview) with the Tigak believers for the last few months. For most, this is their first time reading these powerful and precious words. This past couple weeks, the Scripture discussed was about husbands loving their wives, wives respecting their husbands, children obeying their parents, and fathers not exasperating their children. Powerful, powerful stuff!

Listening to their testimonies filled me with joy, and the Lord used their words to remind me that He has a huge purpose for us here.

Some of the ladies told us how thankful they are to God for giving us these words, as they haven't really known how to parent their children (or raise their grandchildren, in some cases), especially not in a Biblical way.

Regarding the responsibilities God has given to husbands and wives, here were some of the testimonies the ladies shared:

• "I have treated my husband badly. I am the worst woman ever. I'm so thankful to have this talk so I can learn to respect my husband."

• "It's true... (tears)... I don't respect my husband."

• "I'm so thankful to God for giving us this talk. This will help all of us! Thank you, God!"

And one man shared this testimony on two separate occasions:

• "I have struggled to love my wife. I've been hearing this talk for years in English (in Tok Pisin, the national/trade language), but now I am hearing it in my own Tok Ples (tribal/local language) and finally it is speaking into my life."

If you are like me, you've been blessed to have the whole Word of God in your own language for your entire life. Your grandparents and parents may have even modeled Biblical marriage and Biblical parenting for you, and now you are following it because you have His Word in your heart.

Imagine for a moment, as you look at the pictures below, that you are hearing it for the first time!

Would you stop for a moment and pray for these sisters of yours in Christ? Pray also for your brothers in Him. Think with me - Christ said "I will build My Church." That's incredibly exciting, isn't it? Join me in asking Him to strengthen in maturity the current believers. This growth and maturity will allow them to be self-sustaining, to love one another (fellow believers, marriages, families, etc), and ultimately to expand the Gospel to the thousands of Tigak speakers scattered throughout this region of the world!

Not Your Typical Ladies Outing...

A few weeks ago, I enjoyed spending a full day with some lovely sisters in Christ here in Tigak!

The believers here are making preparations for a gathering of believers from several different language groups, and one of those preparations is to weave sleeping mats.

There is a special kind of leaf they like to use to weave these sleeping mats, called "bungut". These kinds of trees do not grow where we live, so we traveled to a different location and into the bush to find them. We left first thing in the morning, and spent the whole day searching for, cutting, tying in heaps, and carrying these leaves back to the boat.

Click on the link below to enjoy a peek at our ladies day finding bungut!

 https://vimeo.com/134807193

*As a side-note... after we returned home late that afternoon, I promptly showered and zombie-walked my way to my bed for a nap, utterly exhausted. The Tigak ladies, however, proceeded to sit up for several more hours removing thorns from all the leaves. These are some strong women! :) (Yes, we all have strength in different ways.)

Stretched Thin

It's been nearly 4 weeks with no rain.

Almost every water tank on the island is empty. Coconut and banana trees are turning brown and brittle. And I think I just saw Will Smith running through the jungle...

For well over a week now we (missionaries) have all been hauling water from various wells around the island, as the people have been willing to share with us. We haul the water for flushing and for washing our clothes. We are thankful to have enough fresh water left for drinking, especially as we are hosting our two work guys! What an interesting experience for THEM in particular!


As we have been constantly praying for rain, a good friend of ours, Cathy, sent some inspiring words. Let me share them with you:

An excerpt from Daily Bread titled "Desert Places"

 ...How delightful to read Isaiah 48-49 and hear His answer: They weren't thirsty when He led them through the deserts...There'll be foodstands along all the roads, picnics on all the hills - nobody hungry, nobody thirsty, shade from the sun, shelter from the wind, for The Compassionate One guides them, takes them to the best springs."

While the Scripture quoted above is about God's restoration of Israel, it is true that as His children, grafted in to His own family, we can stand confidently knowing that He does and will indeed provide for us (His children of every nation, tribe, and tongue!).

I find it important, and easy to overlook, that the passage says "when He led them through the deserts". During their time of stretching, He was leading them. Jesus said something similar, "...in this world you will have trouble..." As children of God, we are not exempt from hardship. In times when it is much easier to see this, we can give our hearts over to worry and anxiety, or we can turn our eyes to Him.

"What would you have me do?" and "Who are you in the midst of this?" are some great questions to be asking as we try our hardest to stretch the remaining water we have. We would like to encourage our Tigak brothers and sisters in this as well.

"I'm feeling really stretched", Noe said yesterday, in reference to the work project. Doing a project like this in a remote location is a whole different pig* than doing such work in our home country. 

As I walked away, I was wondering in my talk with the Lord why He would allow Noe to be feeling stretched when we are already feeling stretched thin. I wonder why He brings us to those places/seasons when our resources (physical, emotional, spiritual) are scant. Especially when we are 'supposed to be ministering' to others! 

I definitely don't know all of His reasoning. But I do believe that part of the answer is so that we will choose to fix our eyes on Him and let Him fill us, similarly to His own words to the woman at the well. She sought water to drink, but He explained to her that more important than that was the water He gives, welling up to eternal life. It reminds us that we are here on this earth for His purpose. He made His purpose clear as a fresh bottle of Aquafina- "Go and make disciples of all nations..." He didn't call His disciples to invest themselves in things of this earth. He called His disciples to offer that eternal-life-giving water. 

I believe another reason He leads us through these 'deserts' is so that we are given tangible ways to relate to the unbelievers around us. Just like any big crisis anywhere in the world, it has a strange way of drawing people together. We seek these opportunities to empathize with those around us, and see how the Lord would use us to help come up with wise solutions.

Having this focus helps me not be anxious and distressed during a time of being stretched. Rather, it helps me to look into His eyes, and to do so arm-in-arm with my brothers and sisters in Him.

*Bear was the word of choice, but there is yet to be a bear sighting here...pig is much more culturally relevant.