Tunnel Vision

It is easy for me to develop tunnel vision. So dreadfully easy.

If I suddenly recognize a need (or let's face it, sometimes it's actually a want), there are times when all my mind can think about is that one perfect solution that I've so brilliantly figured out.

If I just had this, then...

If things were this way, then...

I startled myself with this reality 2 weeks ago, when I found myself injured and in need of something I did not have. (In this case I needed crutches, which was in fact a wise solution.) But as the hours and days throbbed by with no crutches, I was struck by how so much of my contentment was threatened by not having that one thing that I was sure would make all the difference.

The contentment was not taken from me, but it was threatened. For indeed, no one can rob us of that which Christ provides- we can simply choose not to experience it. My friend Jessie shared this quote some months ago which illustrates this quite well: 

"When I don't fight the battle against grumpiness well enough to win, I let the Enemy wear my face."

Not choosing to abide in Christ in my 'moments' means I'm choosing not to experience the contentment and joy He so fully and freely offers to me. And that leaves me standing on my own two feet, somehow believing that I have what it takes to 'get through this' on my own.

And I have to wonder what I am looking toward to make me whole. Is that earthly crutch for which I was so desperate going to satisfy me through and through?

'Modeling' the crutches on our x-ray
adventure at the haus sik last week.
(And a subtle "Old Navy" ad...)

 I'll tell you today that it's NOT!! It's rainy today, and after coming home from our morning class, I followed my girls into the house. Even though I was very careful since I knew they had just mopped the floor for me (since they thought it a fun idea to go "swimming" on the basketball court), one of my crutches finally hit an invisible slippery spot and my bad foot "helped" me catch myself (ouch)
. Hey, recovery is supposed to be painful anyway... Haha! 

Crutches are great!!! But crutches do not heal my foot. Crutches help me stand, but they do not teach me how to stand on my own. I must always widen my perspective, looking upward from the fading gifts of this world, to the unfading, faithful promises of Christ!

As we are searching for what church planting work The Lord would have us be a part of, one of the 'crutches' that I must learn to hold loosely is Bible translation. The Lord put it on my heart about 15 years ago to be a part of Bible translation. (!) But here's the thing- who am I.......who am I to determine just what exactly He had in mind when He gave me that desire?! 

I think we do this a lot as believers. "God told me this, therefore (this is what it should look like)." Then we can become so shocked and disappointed when things don't play out as we had so wisely mapped out. 

Perhaps He gave me the desire to be involved in Bible translation not because I would personally do it (although I would love to!), but because He wanted me to understand deeply the preciousness of His Word. Why do I limit the options for how HE will bring about HIS plans and HIS Church? He gave me gifts and desires. Sometimes we hear "He wants to use your gifts." Well frankly, He wants to use YOU. (Don't you suppose I laugh that He gave me the gift of music, particularly piano? Imagine...if I had said "well, I know there are so many unreached language groups in the world today. But He wants to use my gifts. So I cannot go into tribal church planting." Guess what? He also gave me the 'gift' of arachnophobia! Don't you see? Depending on my willingness to follow and be used of Him, I can essentially 'manipulate' whatever gifts or desires I have. And I can make them all sound spiritual and legitimate when necessary.) Desires of my heart? Ha! "The heart is deceitful above all things..."

But His heart? Trustworthy, pure, faithful, loving, and clear in His desire and plan for the world.

Ok Lord...this desire was Yours to begin with. As was the plan. Widen my perspective from the fading gifts of this world, to the unfading, faithful promises of Christ!

When Life Gives you Tang...

Alright, did anyone else have a flashback to children's Sunday school just now? I remember sitting in my little chair waiting for my little Dixie cup of orange Tang and a short stack of Ritz crackers. :)

Childhood aside, I have no palate for Tang anymore. I'm not a person to spend my energy trying to avoid all artificial sweeteners, but I simply don't care for Tang.

But sometimes things come up in my life that perhaps I don't prefer. Or that I was not expecting. Or maybe things that offer the promise of sweetness but only leave me disappointed or nauseated later. 

I feel like I should be used to this by now. So I have to laugh when I catch myself thinking that something will go according to our plans, or hopes! Ha!

Well to be fair, there are times when things do turn out as we imagined. The "trick" lies in our expectations. Are we able to roll with ever-changing circumstances? Or are we still stuck in the infantile way of screaming and thrashing about when the waves come?

When "life" gives me unexpected Tang (preferably orange), what is my response? Am I 'man enough' to drink it? Do I trust that The Lord has my well-being in mind? Or do I believe that when MY plans change that HE has left me? 

What is more, I believe that even if I must drink some Tang (preferably not pineapple), that He would have me refresh the whole of my being with water. The pure water of the Word. And this is a water source that is always available to me. It never runs dry. It always fulfills. It never disappoints. It fully quenches. And it delights my soul.

Recently we have been given some Tang.  Elements of our transition to life overseas that we're unexpected. Happenings back home that have an unpleasant taste. Decisions about our immediate future that have been challenging to swallow. 

But even with times of heartache, we are finding water! We are finding that The Lord is faithful - He is ever present, ever leading and guiding, and never far off.

I feel like this lifestyle offers us ample opportunities to taste Tang (mango?), and ample opportunities to find Him faithful!

Because The Lord is at my right hand, I will not be shaken! 

A day in the life of...

As requested! Now that we've been here long enough to start establishing some 'routine' (she says loosely), I will attempt to paint a picture for you of what my/our daily life is like here.

Before dawn, the birds begin waking up the world. Luckily for us, we are used to it by now and don't hear them until a reasonable hour. :)

Noe often is out the door at dawn to exercise with one or two other guys. I wake up around this time most mornings to do laundry. I like to do it first thing, before the sun comes up and melts away my brain cells. :) the washer is under the house, so I get my own workout going back and forth to put the clothes to wash, then to hang them up on the line to dry. Some mornings it's a guessing game with the weather...to hang them under the house or out in the sun. ...I have no idea who is forecasting the weather for PNG (outsourced maybe? Haha), but don't believe any weather channel reports. Not a chance of accuracy! The ONLY way to know what's coming is to observe the sky itself.

By the time I have the laundry in the wash, the girls are usually awake . So I work on breakfast. As Murphy's Law dictates, breakfast is usually ready at the same time the clothes washer finishes. So I get the girls and Noe eating (and Noe and I have our "we're getting old" minute each morning as we chug our various pills) and I go out to hang the clothes up. (If I wait, the sun comes up hot and then it's a more unpleasant task. You can tell I'm passionate about this huh?)

After breakfast is cleaned up, it is 'school time'. Some mornings Noe and I have a class or module here on the center. That involves a laptop, a notebook, a nice cup of coffee, and a good play at the playground for the  girls. On the mornings when we don't have a class, I either homeschool the girls or we go out into a village as a family to learn language and culture. Some of our village visits are purposeful language learning opportunities . Other visits are more cultural experience/relationship-building times.

During homeschool mornings, I often study Tok Pisin, or prepare a few pages of questions ("askims") for my next language learning session. Sometimes I distract the girls from their work by quizzing them on some Tok Pisin vocabulary. :)

Lunch is often leftovers from dinners past, or something simple like pb&j or tuna and crackers. The girls and I have 'rest time' after lunch is cleaned up. Often this involves sleep. Sometimes the girls will read or write some Maily emails. 

After rest time, on the days we didn't yet do homeschool, we get that started. Noe sometimes goes out into a village for more language study, and occasionally we go also. Two to three times a week I have a language helper come to the house for 1-1.5 hours. We have tea or coffee and some biscuits ( yes I mean crackers), and do some focused language learning. 

Out for a cultural experience with some friends!
(We made dinner together over the fire.
"Aste, mipela i kukim kaikai antap long paia.")

By mid-afternoon my laundry is usually dry, and sometimes getting crispy, so I bring that all in and put it away. Then dinner prep starts. We eat a little early here, mostly because it's nice to have the kitchen all cleaned up before it's dark outside. (And following rain, if I'm still in the kitchen when it's dark outside, hundreds of tiny "lang" (flies) start "pesting" me (no that's not a word...)- flying all over my kitchen, my clean dishes, dying all over my counters, and crawling around in my shirt.)

And maybe we eat dinner early also because we eat lunch early. And breakfast. Ripple effect?

Our dinner tonight. Found pepperoni
last week for about 75 cents!

Naya does her homework with daddy in the evening, and the girls shower and get ready for bed. Yes, they've showered ever since we lived in Oklahoma last year! And now they can almost shower completely without my help. Niiiice!

After a story from the greatest book ever, we tuck them in. Then there's a little energy left for filing language and culture data, writing a few emails, sneaking a cookie, and occasionally watching a movie or show together. 

There are other things that vary from day to day, such as our quiet time with The Lord. Some days that happens in the mornings, other days in the afternoon or evening. Some days we also have social engagements with folks on the center, and other days we spend a few hours going to town for groceries. 

Hopefully this helps you envision what life is like for us currently, at least a little bit. :)

Ask questions! What would you like to know about? It's fun to share about what life is like here. :)

They Bowed, Set Aside, and Gave

A couple nights ago as I was reading to the girls from the Bible before bed, I found myself becoming a little teary-eyed. This is what I was reading to them:

"The three men knelt before the little King. They took off their rich royal turbans and gleaming, golden crowns. They bowed their noble heads to the ground and gave Him their sparkling treasures." (From the 'Jesus Storybook Bible')

The wise men recognized that this baby, this young child, was the promised Rescuer- the Deliverer! Not of Roman oppression, but of all sin. Not only so, but they recognized Him as the King of heaven, the Son of God. 

They knew who Jesus was. And they understood the implications of His presence, His presence among them. His presence in their lives, and the work He would do.

And their response?

They bowed down before Him. 

They emptied themselves, loosed themselves of their royal "bling".

They considered everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of KNOWING Christ Jesus. 

And they gave Him ALL of their gifts. ALL of their treasures. They gave their all to Him- so that He might be glorified. And so that His work might be done!

This is what the passage does NOT say:

And they opened their gifts. The wise man with gold reached in and took out a small portion, saying "look, I'm still managing my assets and liabilities. But here's some of what I have, I hope it will help!"

The wise man with the frankincense reached in and pulled out a quart size ziploc with a 3oz travel bottle of frankincense and handed it proudly to Jesus, and closed up the big bottle so it wouldn't spoil.

And the wise man with the myrrh reached in and - "well we've done a lot of research on You, but just to make sure You are really who we believe You to be, here's my business card. If your life is in danger give me a call so we can make sure your affairs are in order. And here's a little sample sachet of my finest myrrh."

.........

Anyway, all "humor" aside, I was struck as I read the (real) passage, by how completely the wise men believed, trusted, bowed, emptied, and gave ALL to the King in their midst.

This really isn't about financial giving. This is about the giving of myself, and the willingness to let go of 'extra' or let go of 'status'. The giving of the talents and abilities He has given me. And yes, sometimes (often) the giving up of things. Sometimes that means using them specifically and purposefully. Other times that means exercising the freedom to set them aside for a time when I'd much rather be using them. (After all, don't I WANT to lay all things before His feet? Doesn't my heart soar at the thought of 'laying down my crowns at His feet'?)

But I find myself too unlike the wise men. I don't bow all the way down- maybe I put one knee down but stay poised to jump back up at a moment's notice. I get rid of some things in life, but feel attached to other things. I don't take time to give to someone else fully, because I convince myself that I'm already overwhelmed with my own agenda.

Can't I learn from these wise (yes wise!!!) men, that it is good and safe and worth it to throw everything aside and worship only the King in my midst (for indeed He is with us, until the end of the age!)? And can't I learn from the apostle Paul that it is worth it to 'lose all things' for His sake?

What on earth (pun intended) am I clinging to?!?!

Becoming Floral

Those who know me well know that I am, in general, a 'solid color' type of person.  I don't choose patterned garments, or stunningly eccentric tops. I don't even know how to accessorize "the right way", so I don't put much though into it.

For me, exciting is a solid white shirt with beige stripes. Or a solid black dress (or was it blue? I'll never really know I guess...) with white polka dots.

But now I have stepped into a culture where many women (especially common in the tribal locations) wear meri blauses. Noe bought me the blue one last year that you hopefully saw in a previous blog post. But since arriving, I've needed to expand my wardrobe so that I have several to cycle through each week.

And you guessed it. They're all floral. If not floral, brightly patterned. Oh-- my most recent acquisition has tribal masks on it...that's kind of 'fun'. :)

I have no complaints about my new wardrobe. The meri blauses are very comfortable. (But please don't let me wear them on furlough... come on, I'm counting on my good friends to dress me properly haha!)

But this new embracing of the floral life makes me laugh a bit. It's yet another reminder of how the ways of God are so beyond our understanding. So much bigger than our comprehension.

Since I can remember, I've been terribly afraid of spiders. And webs. (Well ok, slight bit of 'untruth' here, because I DO in fact remember sitting on our back deck as a child plucking out the legs of "Daddy Long Legs" spiders. At least at that point I could touch spiders! I'm not that brave anymore.) So where does He see fit to send and use me? Oh, just the country that boasts some of the world's largest spiders.

I also don't like hot weather. So where does He see fit to send and use me? As close to the equator as possible...

I'm also a person who is energized by being alone, and I value my quiet time. So where does He see fit to send and use me? Into a culture that values community and relationships, spending time with people constantly.

(We won't mention the food category!)

And as I began, I am a 'plain Jane', who enjoys solid colors and being in the background (until someone learns that I play the piano haha! Never fails...). So where does He see fit to send and use me? Into Floral-Ville. :)

He has a wonderful, loving sense of humor. I mean, I could look at all of this COMPLETELY negatively and say "Really, God?!" But since junior high, when I decided that my arachnophobia WOULD NOT stand in the way of me going where He would send me, I've had the opportunity to grow and develop in some of the areas that the apostle Paul addresses- particularly regarding contentment, and the ability to 'do' all things in His strength, which HE provides.

To 'do' (or we could say, to 'become') all things in Christ, who strengthens me.

When I think about "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me", I know that doesn't mean, "Sure, I can jump over this significantly large canyon, because 'HE WILL STRENGTHEN MEEEEEE!" No. It means I can 'become floral', because He can strengthen me with contentment- with His joy. I can smile as our tribal house goes up next year in the midst of giant spiders, knowing that He can strengthen me with peace. And a broom. (Ha.)(?) I can laugh as sweat drips down my neck and down my shirt (oh yes, constantly!), and carry on with my day without A/C, knowing that He can strengthen me with His own love-laughter. (After all, He was a 'man of sorrows', and ALSO He was 'anointed with the oil of joy'!) He is familiar with all of my weaknesses. And He is 110% stronger than the strongest of my strengths.

Since He can so completely do that in me, the question then is my willingness.

Am I willing to lose 'myself' to become something/someone else for His sake? To lay down my rights to this or that way of life.... (in order to gain the rights to share in His glory!)? To let go of my personal or cultural values... privacy, alone time, etc...? Let's not pretend this is all easy!

But am I willing?

(And do I really trust that if I let go, that He will still be holding on? ........ )

Brooms ~ Part II

Well since you're automatically now wondering about the spiders here (since my first Brooms post has a lot to do with those beasts), i will mention without hesitating that as I set down the laundry I carried inside this evening (because I left the basket in the house and was too lazy tired to go back up the stairs again to get it (even though I should for all the carbs we've been eating lately), I finally saw the big fatty spider slithering around on top of the pile. Yes slithering...it had nasty fluid-like motions with its legs. Hey come on, did you expect a one-liner about the spiders? From me? Ha!

But on a more serious note, other than one wolf spider by our "classroom" the other day, I've only seen very small spiders. I must say though, they are VERY fast. And they jump. They are hard to kill! 

Fortunately thus far, only Noe has been attacked by a spider. A very strange-looking green, big spider that reminds me of those sticky hand toys you throw against the wall...anyone remember those? anyway, a couple weeks ago we were in the village nearest the NTM center learning to weave morota ( thatch, from saksak branches), when this spider ran toward Noe, jumped onto his leg and started running up on his shirt! Noe jumped and brushed it off, and yelled 'something to the effect of' "What was that?!?!?!" I poured boiling water on my fingers later that day ( just for fun), but I still think I got the better end of the deal that day!

So speaking of brooms...

The girls and I enjoyed a cultural experience during our second week here in PNG. A group of us went in to a village and began getting to know some of the locals. There was a woman sitting on the ground surrounded by palm branches. We asked her what she was working on, and she replied that she was making a broom for her front porch. She invited us to learn if we had a knife. Not needing a second invitation, I walked over to Noe and asked to borrow his pocket knife. She showed me how to dig the knife in to the center of the branch, then run it along the middle stem to remove all of the leaf. By the end of this process, she had a pile of broom bristles to 'tie' together. (Brilliant!) We enjoyed learning and helping her for the next 30 minutes. Naya was doing it herself by the time we left- yes with a 'sharp' kitchen knife.

I don't have a broom of my own yet, but I'm looking forward to putting names of friends/fellow mothers, which I will see all the time...because the moment I am done sweeping the floor is ready to be swept again. Why is my heart the same way? Do you ever feel that way? The moment I'm done complaining and then working that out in my heart and before The Lord, another opportunity for complaining arises? Oh and as my children get older by the day, I find this principle especially true in my interactions with them. 

Anyway. Let's make it a point not to fight these battles alone but to purposefully share with one another (no I don't mean gossiping or slandering our husbands and children) and encourage one another to always be willing to pick up the broom and sweep that dust and dirt away again and again. If we let things fester, they will rot (and so will we). "Fester fester fester... Rot rot rot." We have the opportunity as Family members, as sisters in Christ, to help each other grow more and more into His image through the sharing of our struggles and the rejoicing together in our victories. 

Let's help each other (because sometimes we just really need help) to dig the knife in ALL the way to the center, the core...the root of our anxieties and burdens. And slide that knife all the way up until all that extra " junk" is gone and all that remains is a clean bristle which can be used effectively to make and model a clean, lovely "home" for our husband, children and loved ones.

Just 2 Hours

The plane thundered down the runway and took off from Cairns, Australia. Before too long, mainland Australia was out of sight and there was nothing below but open ocean. The flight was 2 hours long. 2 hours from Cairns, Australia to Port Moresby, Papua New Guinea. Just 2 hours. 

I couldn’t help but shake my head in amazement… just 2 hours from a highly evangelized nation lies this island nation of PNG where there remain several hundred people GROUPS- language GROUPS- ethnic GROUPS, who have never heard the Gospel. Just 2 hours. 

Just. 2. Hours. 

Over 2,000 years since Christ’s command to His disciples to go and make disciples of all nations. And here lies this country, this land the size of California, where thousands upon thousands of people still wait for His disciples to come to them and clearly present His Gospel of grace! Just 2 hours from Australia.

It blows my mind…

And it reminds me of a missionary’s testimony I heard not too long ago… after hearing the Gospel, one of the tribal believers came to the missionary and said, 

“This message was very important, indeed. If it was so important, why did your parents not come and tell my parents? Why did your grandparents not come and tell my grandparents? …”

Indeed, what are we “waiting” for?