Beginning Signs

The other day I went to a department store with a couple good friends. I followed them around for awhile, through the women's clothes, the fitness clothes, the children's clothes, the home section, the kitchen section, the shoes... Finally I realized how silly I felt! Why? I'm in a weird spot right now. Transitioning to move overseas within a year, no home to cook in or 'make my own', no need for additional clothes since we will leave most of them behind anyway... So I wandered off a bit by myself and thought about all of it.

It feels both lonely and exciting to be in this transitional phase. And now we have some friends who have arrived in PNG and are passing on their detailed insights about clothes, household items, and daily living.

As one of the first ways to make our house in PNG our home, I've taken the advice of other missionary ladies who are in PNG and am going to make some curtains! It was fun picking out the fabric with Noe the other day. 

Holding the fabric and envisioning it in our home was perhaps the first slice of reality (other than filling out paperwork) that we really are doing this!

Additionally, as we sorted through the belongings we brought back to Seattle from Missouri this summer, we found some items at a thrift store to take with us overseas. Things that will go into our house in the tribe! Such as a stovetop waffle iron ( yes my husband loves waffles. And my kids. Guess i do too!). A stainless steel French press. A stovetop popcorn maker (did I mention that we will have a stove? Won't be the dark ages thankfully!). And I've just recently acquired a milk frother wand (oh yes, priorities... A woman needs her espresso!) (or maybe it's because we are from Seattle?).

Noe also just found me a heavy duty storage tub for my homeschool materials. 

Anyway, it becomes more real each day as we step closer and closer to this huge life change!

Piles and Puddles

Shortly after arriving in Oklahoma last weekend, Jocie developed a decent fever. Before she fell asleep that night, she threw up. All over both hers and her sister's bed. I cleaned her up and made a pile of all the affected sheets, blankets, and clothes. As she stood shaking and crying, suddenly she peed down her legs and was standing in a puddle. :( then as I was cleaning her again, suddenly she screamed that she needed to poop. Oh dear. So I ran her to the bathroom (in time thankfully). It was just one thing after another! Finally got her washed and in bed. Until 2:30 when she threw up again and the next pile of soiled laundry began. Poor thing.

But I was just talking with a friend last week about how "strange" and difficult it can seem that the various troubles in our lives pile up rapidly on top of one another until we are tempted to feel overwhelmed. Well and let's face it, often we are overwhelmed! (That is a good time to have a solid Rock on which to stand!) For her, it was months of her children facing various illnesses and concerns, and vehicle troubles, and near-conflicts with their home, etc. 

But it seems in my life that there will be a season of seeming quiet, peace, rest. Then I will wake up one morning and find something out of place. By the end of that "day" (season) there are many things gone wrong. Why does it have to be this way, I wonder? I feel like one obstacle is enough at a time. Why must I have several?

Interestingly, I found myself reacting to poor Jocie's string of events with smiles. Maybe smiles of disbelief... But still, my heart felt happy for some reason. My face was not smiling, because who likes cleaning up (and smelling) (and having your clothes and hair and freshly painted fingernails smelling) vomit? And pee? And who likes seeing their child so miserable and crying and filthy? It is not a pretty picture.

There is no joy in circumstances like that. But there is ALWAYS joy in the heart that is captivated by Jesus. Do we always experience that joy? No. :( but He says that if we remain/abide in Him, we will know the fullness of His joy.

I think this was a moment that I chose to be in Him and so my heart had gladness in spite of the pile of odious laundry and the puddle of pee.

I wish I would always respond this way. But I find myself giving in so easily to my feelings and expectations. I hear The Lord asking me, "When will you stop allowing your circumstances to shape you?"

I think I need a different kind of pile to look at when the painful or difficult experiences of life begin to pile up. The Israelites built an altar of remembrance to The Lord and placed memorial stones in the Jordan. They looked at these "piles" and remembered that God had always been with them and always been faithful. Maybe I can have my own. Maybe I need a little mini rock pile in front of my kitchen sink or somewhere I will see it often to remember His faithfulness and His presence. :)

Little Friends

This sweet letter was written to my daughter by a darling girl who is living in a tribe! My husband visited this tribe last month and brought home the letter.

It is really encouraging to consider the relationships that missionary kids can have with one another ( even beginning at such a young age!). 

We were also excited that last week, a friend of mine approached me saying, "My kids would really like to be pen pals with yours. What do you think?"

What do I think?! I can't help but be overjoyed at the Lord's provision of friendship and encouragement for my kiddos! Not only can they have friendships overseas, but also with loved ones back in the States.

I've been enjoying reading a book called Third Culture Kids, which discusses many of the elements of life for childen who spends significant time in a country and culture not their own. Benefits and challenges of such a lifestyle. And this issue of friendship is one of them. It may be very difficult for them to say countless goodbyes and move in and out of communities and cultures frequently. But the benefit of having friends around he globe may be significant to their hearts as well!

I do hope that my kids will have plenty of friends to stay in touch with around the globe. But NO sticker clubs! Haha! Ok, does anyone else remember those? And chain letters? Ok...

Adore-ment

My husband is back from his trip to PNG! How good it is to have him home! :)

The day after he came home, we got to enjoy a few pictures, and he surprised us all with some gifts he had picked up in PNG. You can see from the pictures- he brought traditional ladies' shirts for myself and the girls. I will be wearing this type of shirt when we live in PNG. It's optional for the girls. :)

He also brought the girls and I some beautiful necklaces and bracelets, and some earrings for me. He is so thoughtful! Looks like I went on a vacation with him to Hawaii or something... ;)

But he also showed me lots more pictures and videos later from his trip. Some of these were recordings of missionary ladies who are currently living out in the tribe, passing on some advice and hints for the rest of us about jungle living. :) ... tips for what kinds of kitchen appliances and basics to have/not have, AND ways to make our home special/homey.

We will have freedom to choose how we want our tribal house to be. (Just like anyone in the states... we can make our homes extravagant, simple, or anywhere in between. Or hippie.) We can spend a lot of our resources, time, and energy on having a comfortable, decorated home. On the flip-side, we can spend a lot of our resources, time, and energy merely surviving each day because we've chosen to have a very primitive home.

And trust me, over the years in training, having heard many, many missionaries and visited many, many of their blogs/websites, we have seen these choices ranging all over the board.

But one commonality that the missionaries Noe got to meet with had to say was this- don't neglect to bring a few little things here and there to make your home YOURS- to make it cozy/homey. Especially thinking of your children! Put a few pictures up. Make pretty curtains. Paint the walls in their bedrooms. For you- have a few things that you enjoy, such as candles or decorations. Bring birthday and other 'party' decorations for the year(s).

And one lady in particular stressed the importance of adorning yourself nicely for your husband! Have some bracelets, some necklaces. Do your hair! Even paint your face for a special occasion! (Oh, she didn't mention this, but I would say shaving legs would be a bonus...) It can be tempting to become complacent and give absolutely no time to looking nice for him. After all, I'll be in the middle of a jungle. Who cares what I look like, right? Wrong! Doesn't a wife want to be adored by her husband? So perhaps if I'm willing to adorn myself, even just a little bit, for him to enjoy... that way I am someone who can BE adored (and that way he will hopefully remember he did not in fact marry a cave-woman).

So I've decided that I will call these little things ADORE-ments. Both the things I choose to wear, and the little things I choose to put in our home.

I should ask myself more often- *Am I being adore-able?*

Brooms

I love me a good broom.

I've been under the notion that it was just myself, my husband, and my children going overseas... that I wouldn't be able to take any friends with me. Well, I realized the other day that I was very mistaken. For as the Lord, and those who know me, can testify- the 'ordinary' kitchen broom is one of my dearest friends and will most certainly be accompanying me to the jungle!

I will probably have two or three. One for my kitchen. And another one that I might very well snuggle with in bed. And maybe a third tucked away for that inevitable moment when I break the first (and second) one.

Oh-- did you think I was going to break it by sweeping the floor? :)

The other day, a friend of ours who is also heading toward the jungle shared her own spider-killing method. It involved violently throwing a magazine down on top of the beast, followed by attacking the magazine with a sandal, followed by squishing the entire concoction down through the floorboards with "long tongs" and 'asking someone else to check the carcass in the morning'. :) Highly amusing, yes! But right up my alley!

I just may have to decorate the broom I take with creativity and perhaps a calming Scripture verse... or maybe a verse about how God will one day break and shatter the teeth and bones of the wicked (see, a motivational, emboldening verse!).

Anyway, the broom also reminds me of how the daily routine can seem so incredibly mundane at times. Granted, for me, I haven't had much routine these last few years. But daily chores and housekeeping and child-wiping and discipline and...and...and... can certainly feel wearisome and thankless. I especially think of all my friends who don't have continual transitions like I do. As you walk His path for you of being a wife and mother, you are given the opportunity to be completely faithful to Him in your very important work.

Another friend of mine wrote this inspiring word just the other day:

The hardest part about being a stay at home Mama is the monotony of doing the same thing every day, knowing my work will not be evident for very long at all, and then strumming up the inspiration to do it all over again. The best part is I work with three of my favorite people in the whole world!

I hope we can all encourage one another toward love and good deeds, as He Himself encourages us to do in His Word! Maybe each time we pick up our broom we can think of and pray for one another. Maybe I will write your names on my broom handle. :) And whatever horrid creature is at the other end of that broom... may I always be faithful to Him in keeping my home to be glorifying to His Name.

The Grief of My Joys

My heart has been heavy today. That may be because of my realization that I'm becoming an emotional nutcase.

My sentiments about these next months of "last's" is getting to me. If you have ever moved from a place, you know what I am talking about.

However, not only am I preparing to move from a place, but I am preparing to move into a very different lifestyle. And not only that, but a rather harsh reality for me is that we are preparing to be gone for 4 years at a time. My children bring this to life for me, as well as other children I know and love. They will all grow and develop and mature and change tremendously. There will be life experiences in these years that I will have to observe from a distance. And for my own children, the opportunities to do various things at the age they are now is ending. When we return, they will be four years older and very different individuals with different interests.

Last Christmas, my close girlfriend flew up to Seattle to visit me. When I saw her I couldn't keep the tears back. It was because I love her dearly, yes. But it was also one of the first moments that I began to realize that the time is drawing short for visits.

The last few months have grown more difficult in that respect. You wouldn't know it outwardly, but in my heart, each time I meet with a friend, or take my kids to a play date, or visit a fun place we love... My heart both rejoices in the goodness of The Lord, and grieves a little for what will be changing.

As I enjoy this week relaxing in a beautiful place, I keep trying to push out the reality that I probably will not sit here again for several years. And I will be very different then. And so will my husband, and my children. My parents will have changed. Our friends will have experienced much. And all the precious children will be growing...too fast.

So what does a woman ask of her God when her heart is so fragile? What do YOU ask of your God when your heart aches?

I know He would have me rejoice in His unchanging presence. And find contentment in each moment He has so generously gifted me its. And I know His heart would also provide an embrace, for He does not push aside grief. Opening your heart to love and know and be real also opens your heart to the pain that accompanies it.

May I be joyful, content, teachable, real, and embraceable in the grief of my joys. :)

Frazzled?

Well, the white flag is up!

As much as I have tried to deny it and as strong as I have attempted to be, I am more convinced than ever now of a couple things:

1) single parenting is very difficult

3) God is very wise in His design for marriage and family.

(No, there is not a typo above... It's simply a representation of my frazzled-ness and a tribute to every female that feels or has felt frazzled with me!)

So what do I mean by 'frazzled'? I'm not really talking about the daily grind. Dressing the girls, cooking, cleaning, picking up toys, facilitating nap times, homeschooling, other household duties, etc... What I AM talking about is the interactions. The way my kids respond to me changes when their daddy is not home. I have to wonder why this is- if my husband and I are parenting with the same heart, the same goals, and like-mindedness, shouldn't our girls respond to me just as they do when he is in the room? And yet, I find this not to be the case.

So I find myself feeling frazzled and overwhelmed at times. A bit helpless. 

But you know what? I 'hear' the Lord asking me, "So who are you looking toward to raise your children? Are you looking to your husband? (Or to your own strength and abilities?) Or are you looking to Me?" 

There will be so many times in PNG when Noe will be out doing various things, especially if/when he spends time building our house. Or if he goes on survey trips. Or if he goes out with other men on hunting trips or whatnot. I can learn now how to be better prepared for this. Will I let Him meet me and teach me in my moments of feeling frazzled and overwhelmed? Or will I let those moments swallow me?

So in closing:
7) In my own strength I am only as good as "super-me!" (bahaha!) But in the strength of my faithful God, we can not only survive but we can do well together!

 ...and a bit of flexibility and random-ness never hurt either ;)